August 24, 2008
She’s here!!!
Sarah Madelyn has arrived!!! She was 9 days early and born on August 17th. I thought I had been having Braxton Hicks all day but it turned out to be real. My labor progressed pretty quick. We got to the hospital around 4:30pm and I was 4cm dilated. I was assessed and about an hour and a half later I was 8cm. It was then received the most wonderful thing… an epidural!!! I started pushing around 8:15pm and she arrived at 10:04pm. She topped in at a whopping 5lbs 14oz and measuring at 19.75 inches. She’s beautiful. She’s our life and everything we hoped she’d be. I can’t imagine life without her already.
August 15, 2008
38 weeks and 3 days
The end is almost near! I’m actually still loving being pregnant and as much as I want to meet this little girl so much, I’m really going to miss being pregnant. I’m feeling uncomfortable a lot of the time but not too bad. Any feet or hand swelling isn’t too bad, it comes and goes. My back is hurting a lot of the time. She has dropped quite low so now I have a lot of pelvic pressure and am running to the bathroom at least every half hour! As much as I have all of these complaints, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I think back on how we were trying to get pregnant and wanted it so bad and now we will meet this little gal so soon! I’m very excited to meet her and see what she looks like and hold her and never let her go!
On the in-laws front, I’m trying to deal. I’m still feeling quite smothered. I’m constantly being asked if I’m lonely or want them to come in and stay while Bill is away. FIL even asked if I could still drive and if I wanted him to come in and drive me to my next prenatal appointment. I know they mean well but I’m completely fine and the only company I want if I’m feeling anything negative is Bill. I’m still feeling as though it’s pretty intrusive and I’m trying to bite my tongue when Bill mentions they are coming in to visit. We had another argument about it and I realized I may have been giving off vibes that I didn’t want to visit them or didn’t want them here. I don’t want anyone to feel like that and I would probably feel the same way if it was the other way around. The only thing that makes me upset right now is that I don’t want to end up resenting Bill for it. I feel as though I can’t talk to him about it without him getting angry and if I innocently want to be alone (when they want to visit), he will take it as I hate his parents. I’ll pretty much suck it up for now. We’ll see what happens when our girl arrives and if the visits are too much, I will tell him as much. I was never this sensitive over the issue so I’m hoping it’s the hormones and it will go away after the baby comes. It’s easy for him to say it’s okay if they visit during the week because he won’t be here. I wonder how he would feel if he was home and they visited 2 or 3 times a week, would he still feel the same or would he get annoyed as well? I’m sure he would if it was my parents that were constantly calling to visit. I’m trying not to stress over it because this is such a happy time with the birth so near but sometimes I feel this issue almost overshadows everything because it’s all I think about. I feel bad for feeling the way I do but I can’t help how I feel just as he can’t help how he feels… sometimes I just wish he understood my feelings.
July 31, 2008
Moody much?
Ugh, EVERYTHING seems to be irritating me the last month and especially now. Let’s see what shall we?
– now that I’m off of work, I’m bored most of the day
– that I can’t do much around the apartment before getting so hot that I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day because it’s SO humid
– that I’m now officially on maternity leave and have to wait a month before I receive any maternity pay
– that where Bill works on the road, I feel I’m always calling him and that he can’t pick up the phone to call me as much as I call him and when I do call, it seems like he doesn’t want to talk (in his defense, he does hate talking on the phone)
– that Bill mentions how hot he thinks certain celebs are (as much as I know it’s silly and means nothing, I SO don’t feel hot or really remotely attractive right now and that doesn’t help). He’s told me that still finds me attractive and loves my belly because I’m carrying our baby, but I think he could stand to tell me that more often than he does.
– that his parents will always want to be in here after the baby comes and I will be out of my routine
– that his dad is a picker. He picks at me all the time (just fooling around) and normally I can handle it but lately I just don’t want to be around him or my MIL
– that I’m assuming my MIL is going to be calling me all the time and always giving me unwanted advice on how I should be doing things
– the fact that they think I need someone when I’m not feeling well and that they should come stay with me if I’m alone, if they are like that now, what will they be like when the baby is here???
– that I feel if I bring anything about his parents up to him, we will get into a major argument and he seems to consider their feelings over mine
– that I’m very uncomfortable sleeping and need to pee ALL THE TIME
– that I have stretch marks around my belly button… weird?
– that there’s shitty programming on tv during the summer (waaay too many stupid reality shows)
– that we don’t have a dishwasher and I really hate doing the dishes
– that our nursery has to double as a spare room whenever people stay overnight (hence the annoyance of Bill’s parents wanting to be here all the time and that I would have to do everything in our bedroom with the babe)
– that my MIL constantly says she hopes the baby is born on their wedding anniversary (5 days after my due date), I want the baby to have her own special day
– that I’m worried that I will go into labor before my mom gets here and she’ll miss being at the hospital
You know, there are probably more but those are the ones that come to mind. Don’t get me wrong, I do still love being pregnant and almost feel as though I’m not ready for her to be here because I love it so much but at the same time I can’t wait to meet her. I think back on how bad we wanted to get pregnant and now here I am complaining 😦 I am so thankful to be pregnant it’s just that my moods just kind of take over sometimes. Most, if not all, of my irritants probably sound very mean and I’m fussing over things that may or may not happen but this blog is about me being honest, regardless if I sound mean or selfish.
July 29, 2008
Hello mood swings!
Anyone else out there who have had major mood swings this late in pregnancy? At 36 weeks, I feel like I’m going crazy with them. Lately what seems to be driving me crazy are my in-laws. Now I’m an independent person. I don’t need anyone around me if I’m sick or in a bad mood or in any pains, besides Bill. I am used to being alone during the week because Bill works on the road. So if my in-laws have to come in for anything, they usually spend the night, regardless if Bill is home or not. They live two hours away so sometimes I feel bad by thinking I don’t need them here. For example, I’ve had a migraine all day. They had to come in for something and got in around 6:30pm. They said they’d stay in if I wanted them to. What was I going to say? NO? Anyway, my MIL said that they’d stay in because I had a headache but I wouldn’t be hurting their feelings if I said I wanted to be alone. I wanted to scream that I don’t NEED anyone around me. Again, I couldn’t say no even if I wanted to because I think I would have hurt their feelings. She’s the type that she’s used to doing everything for everyone and maybe expects that people need her. Sometimes she meddles and I’m afraid of how much they will be out here when the baby comes. I know she is their grand-daughter and believe me when I say that I knew they mean well and don’t do things purposely, but I don’t know how I’m going to handle it if they are out here every week even for a night, even if Bill is gone. I don’t really feel like I have Bill’s support on this because he says they will want to see her too. He did understand however when I told him that I’m not always going to feel like having them here if me or the baby has a bad day and he said that they will understand but you know what? They will probably just come in the next day. We get into arguments about it when I bring it up about them wanting to be in here all the time. I’d rather not even talk about it with him anymore because we always argue. I wish he’d just see my side sometimes and he doesn’t. He’s an only child and like I said, his mom is used to doing things for everyone. My mom never meddled (to a point), she let me do my own thing and she will only give her opinion if I ask it usually. Bill’s mom isn’t like that. She will usually give her opinion anyway. Am I being selfish? Is it just hormones? I feel awful thinking I don’t want them in here during the week but even if they tell me I don’t need to entertain or whatever, I’d still feel like I would have to. If Bill was home it wouldn’t be so bad but it would be just me and I think I’d freak out eventually. I need more opinions on this if anyone can help. I’ll write more about it later. I think this is long enough for now!
July 3, 2008
32 weeks!
Sorry I haven’t updated in so long! I have no excuses really other than I keep forgetting to do it. Well everything is going great and we are having a GIRL! We are super excited and Bill keeps talking about things he’s going to do with her when she’s old enough. It’s very cute. On another great note, I’m done work tomorrow! You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to be finished work. My leave doesn’t officially start until July 28th but I have some banked and vacation time that gives me an extra three weeks off. I wonder sometimes if I should try and stick it out a little longer so I will be a little later coming back next year but I’m at the point in my pregnancy that I’m uncomfortable sitting up all day. I want to be able to lie down when I want. It’s not too comfortable trying to sit up straight at a desk with a foot or bum under your rib! I feel her move all the time, not as many kicks as before although the ones she’s giving me are huge! I feel her just moving and twisting around in there most of the time. It’s amazing to feel it. I’m really going to miss it. I know I’ll have her to hold then but I will still miss it. We are halfway to getting the nursery ready. I still need a few things like a rocking chair. When I think about it, it’s unreal that I’m 32 weeks already and only have 9 more to go. I think back on the first trimester when I was so nervous and 40 weeks were a lifetime away, it felt like I’d never get there. I’ll post some pictures of the nursery when we are finished. Now that I’m going to be finished work, I will try and update a little more 🙂
April 20, 2008
One year ago
A year ago today, we lost our first little bun. I haven’t been looking forward to this day. Even though I am halfway through my second pregnancy, it doesn’t hurt any less and I remember like it was yesterday. I like to think that our first bun somehow integrated into our second bun. That they may have the same features and personality. I also like to think that for some forever unknown reason, our first bun just wasn’t ready. That it said “I have to go but you’ll see me again” and sat up in heaven until it was the right time. 8 months passed and in December, little bun came back to us.
April 12, 2008
20 weeks 4 days!
Sorry! I haven’t updated in FOREVER! I guess no news is good news. Things are going great right now. I’m loving being pregnant and haven’t been sick at all. I’m almost 21 weeks and just had an ultrasound yesterday. Our hospital doesn’t give pictures which I hate so we have decided to get a 3d ultrasound done and we’ve also decided to find out the sex! We are super excited about that and have 6 weeks to go until the big day, May 23. The nervousness is pretty much over. I find that for some reason I still get nervous before an ultrasound even though I’m so far along. I had a freakout around 5 weeks ago. My best friend lost her baby at 15 weeks so that hit me hard and made me worry. It was different though because she had been going to the hospital with pains and bleeding for a lot of her pregnancy and the doc said to not be surprised if she lost it. It really sucks because we’d always talk baby stuff. I cried for her because I know how it feels. Not that far along but still. So yes, things are going great. I’ll try and not wait 7 weeks to update again. Here’s a pic of me that Bill took yesterday.
February 21, 2008
13 weeks and 2 days!
I’m finally in my second trimester!!! It’s nice to be able to breathe a little more now. I’m not as nervous and anxious as I was even a week ago. I had my second ultrasound on Tuesday and I was 13 weeks to the day. We saw the head, body, arms, legs, spine and heartbeat. We even saw it kicking! It was amazing to see that and know it’s inside of me just growing. It was even more amazing to share that with Bill. He was amazed too. It’s an undescribible feeling. I can’t wait to feel the kicks. Unfortunately my hospital doesn’t give out pictures which really sucks. They don’t let you hear the heartbeat either. I think I will get to hear it soon though. I asked my prenatal doctor and she said they normally don’t count the heartrate until you are further along because where it’s still early, the heartbeat is going really fast. I’m seeing her about every two weeks and have my 20 week ultrasound on April 11. So I am due on August 26. I hope I go to September because I really want a September baby. Actually I hope it’s September 3rd because that’s the date that Bill and I met. It would be very special to me to have the baby on that day. BUT as long as its healthy, it’s all we care about. My nausea and tiredness are almost gone. I can still run to the bathroom on certain smells! I gag everytime I brush my teeth which I hate and it sometimes makes me get sick. I’m still having a lot of back pain but I’m seeing a massage therapist and may go to see a chiropractor as well.
Sorry for the lack of updates. Haven’t had much to say and I was just anxious to get out of the dreaded first trimester. Does anyone know the risk of miscarriage after 12 weeks? I read it was around 1%. Is that right?
February 5, 2008
1st prenatal appointment
I had my appointment today and, to my huge disappointment, didn’t have an ultrasound. I didn’t have my appointment at the hospital, just at a clinic when my doc does appointments certain times a week. Apparently I will only be able to have ultrasounds at the hospital. She is scheduling me for one as soon as possible (she said) now however long that will take, I don’t know. Hopefully within the next week or two. I am seeing her in a few weeks and also seeing a nutritionist there as well, probably as my appetite has gone way down. I’ve lost 20 pounds since the end of November when I started on Metformin. 10 since I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, the appointment went well. She just asked me a lot of questions, did an internal exam in which she said everything felt fine and felt how it should be I guess. So I’m just awaiting the ultrasound. She also said that I won’t have ultrasounds all that often. That will kill me! It’s only been 4 weeks since my first one and I’m about to explode. I told her I need extra reassurance because of the miscarriage but she said that once the baby starts moving, I will feel better. My back has been killing me so she said I can go see a physiotherapist. I looked up some prenatal yoga poses on the internet and tried some. They felt good so I’m going to try and continue them each evening to ease the pain.
February 4, 2008
11 weeks?
I’m almost done my first trimester! These weeks have been the longest weeks of my life. It’s sad how you lose your innocence about pregnancy after a miscarriage. I would never wish this fear and anxiety on anyone. I’m still jealous to think of how easy it is for some people. They get pregnant within a few months of trying, everything goes fine and they get their baby. It’s unfair how easy it is for others when people like us see the dark side of it all. Anyway, I have my first pre-natal appointment tomorrow. I should find out exactly how far along I am since I’m not completely sure. I’m still so nervous that I will get bad news! I have had no symptoms to indicate bad things but it still doesn’t stop those negative feelings. I just keep thinking of all of these other people who still had pregnancy symptoms but had lost the baby weeks before. I shouldn’t be thinking about it but I am. I think I’m extra scared because I have to go to my appointment alone. Bill is away working. I know he can’t make every appointment. He can be there for some. Depending on how tomorrow goes and if I’m a nervous wreck without him, he may have to be there for the others.
I’m still having all my symptoms I was having before. My breasts are still really sore. I’m still nauseous and, on occasion, throw up. I still have the aversion to certain foods and smells. My back still aches constantly which I’m going to bring up to my doc tomorrow. Maybe I’ll have to see a chiropractor or a massage therapist because I can only imagine it getting worse in the coming months. I’m getting small pains in my stomach and sides which I only assume is things stretching down there. I’m at work which is the last place I ever want to be on any given day. God, I’m so negative!
My Life After Miscarriage 